The sermon for this morning’s Mass will be the fourth of a four-part series on the Church’s stance and teaching on LGBTQ ideology. The last three sermons focused primarily on unfolding and explaining the Church’s teaching regarding sexual morality. This last sermon will be more practical than the previous three, serving as a kind of guide for accompaniment and dialogue with those who might reject or struggle with the Church’s teachings. What do you say to a friend who has publicly declared they experience homosexual attraction? What if your son or daughter confides in you that they are experiencing gender dysphoria and struggle to accept their biological sex? What do you say to your niece or nephew who is a militant LGBTQ activist? How do you navigate the tricky waters of one of your coworkers coming out as gay? It is difficult if not impossible to envision and discuss every scenario one might face when it comes to pastorally accompanying others. Therefore, I believe it would be more beneficial to provide you all with a set of principles that might inform your approach to these matters. The following are ten such principles.
The first principle: Understand the purpose of accompaniment. Perhaps the best place to start is at the end. We first need to identify the end and goal of pastoral accompaniment. The goal for all accompaniment should be to help others come to an encounter with the true love of Jesus. Our mission should be to help others see the beauty of truth and experience the love Jesus has for everyone. We should never forget this.
The second principle: Prayer. We need to understand that the principal agent of conversion is the Holy Spirit. Without the work of the Holy Spirit, our efforts of helping someone come to an encounter with Christ will be fruitless. Therefore, we need to pray for those who might be separated from Christ or are in danger of being separated from Him. It is His work, His mission. Not ours.
The third principle: Kindness, kindness, kindness. We should be kind to others. This principle should be a no-brainer. As I discussed in the first sermon of this series, we should never water down the truth or separate truth from love. Love separated from truth degenerates into sentimentalism and can no longer be called love. However, if truth is separated from love then it runs the risk of being used as a bludgeon with which we seek to beat our opponents. The result of separating love from truth runs the risk of instilling a repulsion towards truth. Kindness is a virtue which allows us to sympathize or empathize with the other. Kindness therefore allows one to keep truth and love intact, not weaponizing truth but rather helping the other receive and digest the truth.
The fourth principle: Educate yourself. Over the last several weeks I have tried to present a defense of orthodox Catholic teaching regarding sexual morality. It has seemed necessary since we live in a depraved and confused society when it comes to these issues. I hope that my defense and explanation was sufficient. However, it was by no means exhaustive. How can anybody unpack every aspect of the profound truths of sexual morality in only a few sermons? It is virtually impossible. I have provided a mere sample, a scratching of the surface. And it is our obligation to continue forming our minds and consciences regarding the Church’s teaching of sexuality. We have the duty to continuously educate ourselves in the beauty and truths of the Faith. If we want to sufficiently accompany and enter into dialogue with others, we need to be educated in the beauty of the Church’s teaching regarding sexuality and chastity. St. Peter says to always be prepared “to make a defense to anyone who asks for a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3”15). Thankfully there are many resources out there that can help us grow in our knowledge of the Church’s teaching.
The fifth principle: Determine your role. The nature of your relationship with the other will play a crucial role in discerning how you interact with them. Perhaps the person in question is your son or daughter. Maybe it is a sibling. Maybe it is a close friend. Then again perhaps the relationship is more of a professional nature such as a boss or a coworker. You need to ask yourself if you are the right person for the job. If it is a sibling and there is some persisting conflict, there may be obstacles that prevent you from being the best person to closely accompany them. If it is a boss or professional subordinate, most likely you are not the best person to discuss moral issues with them. There is no hard and fast rule for determining if you are the right person to try and bring another to Christ. It takes prudence and discernment. We should never mistake prudence for cowardice and vice versa. If you are not the best person to have the conversations, do what you can and remember that the Holy Spirit desires their wellbeing more than you do. If you determine that you are a good person to accompany them, pray for courage and prudence.
The sixth principle: Know your audience. There is a big difference between someone who might be struggling with same sex attraction and a pugnacious LGBTQ activist. There is a difference between someone struggling with gender dysphoria and an aggressive LGBTQ “ally.” Those who morally struggle with their sexuality often need an extra dose of gentle compassion. They have an entire culture fighting over them. They have some very heavy crosses to bear that no one should take lightly. There are some who believe the Church’s teaching and are struggling to live holy and chaste lives. They are truly the heroes our society needs and they need all the encouragement they can get. Then there are militant activists who not infrequently seek to argue or fight with those who might disagree with them. Obviously your interactions with them will demand different tactics. Again, there is no strict rule with how we ought to handle each of these relationships. I am merely saying that we need to exercise prudence and keep in mind who we are dealing with. This leads me to the seventh point.
The seventh principle: Mind the needs of the other. There are some who need a strong correction and there are others who need gentle encouragement. You might feel strongly that you need to just lay out the unvarnished truth to someone, but perhaps they just need a friend right now. I am not saying to avoid the truth but rather to keep in mind what the other needs at the present moment.
The eighth principle: Patience, patience, patience. We should not place a timeline on anyone’s conversion. We are often impatient and want people to change overnight. However, that usually does not happen. The Holy Spirit often works slowly and subtly in our lives. We should be patient with others and refrain from any kind of coercion. We cannot force conversion. Sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime for some to come to Jesus.
The ninth principle: It is not just what you say but how you say it. We must keep in mind how our words and actions might be received. We might have the best intention in preaching the truth in word and action, but speaking is only half of communication. Intention is not the only thing that matters. How might the other receive what I have to say? I know there are some who use the pride flag in an effort to show their love and support for those struggling with same sex attraction or gender dysphoria. They might agree with everything the Church teaches and they want to show their love and support. However, the pride flag is a loaded symbol not just of support of persons but of an ideology. Therefore, we should not use it. Then there are some who think they are being gentle and loving but others might find them harsh and brash. Always discern not just what you say but also how your message might be received.
The tenth principle: You can be reactive or proactive. There are a couple of ways we can preach the truth. There are some who are proactive and they will use methods such as social media platforms to broadcast a message to the masses. To do this successfully is very challenging and takes much training. For others, perhaps the best approach to preaching the truth is in a reactive manner. Instead of proactively seeking to share the good news of the Church’s teaching on sexuality one might share this good news as opportunities present themselves. Instead of proactively preaching, you speak the truth when a conversation comes your way or if you become aware of someone who needs accompaniment. It takes prudent discernment to know when and if you should act and speak proactively or reactively. Both approaches are needed but perhaps you are better at one than the other.
This list of principles is by no means exhaustive. But I find them to be fundamental. The bottom line is that we must strive to accompany others with virtue. Never mistake prudence for cowardice and cowardice with prudence. Never mistake courage with brashness and brashness with courage. Pray for a holy zeal, but let that zeal be tempered with humility and meekness, modeling your heart after the Sacred Heart of Jesus which burns with compassion and love for all.